Petronius: Satires and the Book of Priapeia

L and we began to hold the torn and filthy tunic and with the same indignation
proclaim that it was our spoil that they possessed. But in no way was the cause
equal, for the cooks who had flocked to the shouting were naturally laughing at
our greed, because on the one side they were claiming a most precious garment,
and on the other a rag not even worthy of good patches. From this, Ascyltos 5

skillfully dispersed the laughter; silence having been made, he said, “We see
that to everyone his own thing is most dear; let them return our tunic to us and
receive their cloak.” Although the exchange pleased the rustic and the woman,
10 the advocates, who were by now almost nocturnal, who wanted to make
a profit from the cloak, demanded that both be deposited with them and that
the next day a judge might inspect the complaint. For they claimed that not
only the things, which were being seen, were in controversy, but that far
another thing was being sought, because on both sides there was, of course,
15 the suspicion of theft. Already, arbitrators were being decided upon, and
some cook or other, bald, with a most bumpy forehead, who was accustomed
at times to also plead cases, had seized the cloak and affirmed that he would
exhibit it on the morrow. But it was apparent that nothing else was being
sought than that the garment, once deposited, would be strangled by the
20 robbers, and we would not come to the appointment for fear of a charge.

      The same was clearly what we wanted. Therefore, chance aided the desire of both parties. For the rustic, indignant that we were demanding the patch-work garment be exhibited, threw the tunic into Ascyltos’s face, and freed from the complaint, ordered us to put down the cloak, which alone was causing the lawsuit.

25 And having recovered the treasure, as we thought, we went headlong to our inn, and with the doors locked, we began to laugh at the cleverness of the cooks no less than of the claimants, because they had returned our money with such great cunning.

I do not wish to hold at once what I desire,
30 > nor does a ready-made victory please me.

LO | But as soon as we had filled ourselves with the dinner prepared through the kindness of Giton, the door was struck and resounded with a not very bold noise.

      When we ourselves, therefore, were asking, pale with fear, who it was, she said, “Open, now you will know.” And while we were speaking, the bolt slipped of its own accord and fell, and the suddenly opened doors admitted the person entering. The woman, moreover,