Petronius: Satires and the Book of Priapeia

HL In short, at high noon if she says it is dark, he will believe it.
H He himself does not know what he has, so filthy-rich is he; but this lupatria prostitute/she-wolf looks out for everything, even where you would not think. She is dry, sober, full of good counsel [you see so much gold], yet she is of an evil tongue, a magpie of the pillow. Whom she loves, she loves; whom she does not love, she does not love. Trimalchio himself has estates wherever the kites fly, money upon money. There is more silver lying in that doorkeeper's room than anyone else has in their total fortune. And the household, good heavens, I do not believe by Hercules that a tenth part of them know who their master is. In short, he could throw any one of these blockheads into a rue leaf. Nor is there any reason for you to think he buys anything. Everything is born at home: wool, citrons, pepper; if you ask for hen's milk, you will find it. In short, good wool was not growing well enough for him; he bought rams from Tarentum and crossed them into the flock. That Attic honey might be born at home, he ordered bees to be brought from Athens; by the way, even the local ones that are there will become slightly better from the little Greeks. Look, within these days he wrote that mushroom seed be sent to him from India. For there is not a single mule he has that was not born from a wild ass. You see so many cushions: there is not one that does not have purple or scarlet stuffing. Such is the happiness of his spirit. However, beware of despising his fellow freedmen. They are very wealthy. You see him who reclines at the very end: today he possesses his eight hundred thousand. He grew from nothing. Not long ago, he used to carry firewood on his neck. But how they say—I know nothing, but I have heard—when he snatched a cap from an Incubo a spirit who guards hidden treasure, he found a treasure. I envy no one, if a god has given something. Yet he is under the lash and does not want ill for himself. Therefore, he recently posted this title on his shack: "Gaius Pompeius Diogenes rents an attic from the first of July; for he himself has bought a house." And what about him who lies in the place of a freedman, how well he conducted himself. I do not reproach him. He saw his million sesterces, but he stumbled badly. I do not think he has any free hair i.e., is not a free man, or is in debt, and by Hercules, not by his own fault; for there is no better man than he; but his wicked freedmen, who did everything for themselves. Know this, however: the partners' pot boils badly, and once things are slanted, friends disappear. And what an honorable trade he practiced, that you see him like this. He was an undertaker libitinarius undertaker, responsible for funerals and associated services. He used to dine as a king: hooded boars, pastry works, birds, cooks, bakers. More wine was poured under the table than anyone has in their cellar. A fantasy, not a man. When his affairs were also declining, when he feared that his creditors might think him bankrupt,