Petronius: Satires and the Book of Priapeia

With this title he advertised the auction: "C. Julius Proculus will hold an auction of surplus items."

39 Trimalchio interrupted these pleasant tales; for by now the course had been cleared, and the cheerful guests had begun to devote themselves to wine and to the open conversation. Then, reclining on his elbow, he said, "You must make this wine pleasant. Fish need to swim a common Roman idiom meaning wine should be served with fish. Do you ask me if I am content with that dinner which you saw in the cover of the sideboard? 'Is this the famous Ulysses?' a quotation from the Aeneid What then? One must even possess some learning philologiam study of literature/learning while dining. May the bones of my patron rest well, for he wished me to be a man among men. For nothing new can be brought to me, as that server fericulus dish/tray already had its practice. This sky, in which the twelve gods dwell, turns itself into as many figures, and now it becomes a ram. And so, whoever is born under that sign has many flocks, much wool, and besides, a hard head, a brazen forehead, and a sharp horn. Most scholars and 'ram-lets' are born under this sign." We praised the wit of the astrologer; and so he added: "Then the whole sky becomes a little bull. Therefore, at that time, headstrong people are born, and cowherds, and those who graze themselves. In the Twins, however, are born pairs of horses, and oxen, and testicles colei a vulgar term for testicles, implying those who wallow in vice, and those who smear both walls a slang reference to those who are bisexual or morally flexible. I was born in the Crab. Therefore, I stand on many feet, and I possess much on both sea and land; for the crab is at home in both. And so for a long time I have placed nothing above it, so as not to oppress my own nativity. In the Lion, gluttons and imperious men are born; in the Virgin, women, fugitives, and those in shackles; in the Balance, butchers, perfumers, and whoever weighs anything out; in the Scorpion, poisoners and assassins; in the Archer, squint-eyed people who look at the greens but steal the lard; in the Capricorn, the wretched, to whom horns grow because of their misfortunes; in the Waterman, innkeepers and pumpkin-heads; in the Fishes, caterers and rhetoricians. Thus the world turns like a millstone, and always does some evil, so that men are either born or perish. But that you see a sod in the middle and a honeycomb upon the sod, I do nothing without reason. Mother Earth is rounded in the middle like an egg, and contains all good things within herself like a honeycomb."

40 "Bravo!" we all shouted, and with hands raised to the ceiling, we swore that Hipparchus and Aratus were not to be compared to this man, until servants arrived and spread tapestry over the couches, on which nets were embroidered, along with hunters waiting with spears, and the whole apparatus of a hunt. We did not yet know where to send our suspicions, when a clamor was raised outside the dining room.