Reflections: Various Variations on Old Themes

sentimentality took root, sweetened the "burning power," and consequently proceeded according to the pharmacopeia of Schiller original: "Schiller" (*); the very age partly contributed to the development of tenderness. For me, the time was arriving when childhood ends and youth begins: this usually happens at 16. Childish, naive beauty disappears, youthful beauty has not yet appeared; there is disharmony in the features: they become coarser, there is no grace; the voice shifts from thin to thick, the eyes are languid but occasionally sparkle, the cheeks are pale but occasionally flush—physical maturity approaches. The same happens in the soul: indefinite feelings, the germs of passions, agitation, languor, the sense of something secret and unknown, and following that, youth, enthusiastic lyricism, full of love, arms opened to the whole world of God... An early bloomer, I reached this epoch sooner, and the buds in my soul unfurled at 14; I felt that childhood had ended and youth had begun, and I was offended that no one noticed the transition in my being. Unfortunately, Vasily Evdokimovich noticed this and, by virtue of that, began to teach me aesthetics, in which, God rest his soul, he was extremely mediocre, and at that same time, he compelled me to write articles. It is a pity, a great pity, that when we moved from the old house to the new one, these articles were lost! With what pleasure I would reread them now! What didn't I write! There were articles written in competition with Temira, there were literary reviews, and in them, I "annihilated" classicism. Vasily Evdokimovich was delighted, making corrections (and it is no wonder, as his own thoughts were being repeated by me). I translated my reviews into French and proudly presented them to Marshal: "Here, look at how I respect your Boileau." There were also historical articles: a comparison of Marfa Boretskaya—that is, not the real one, but the Spartan Marfa about whom Karamzin wrote a story—with Zenobia of Palmyra; and of Boris Godunov with Cromwell. It is a pity I did not write my comparisons in French, or else I am certain they would have been so inept that they would have ended up as examples in Noël's Course of Literature, in the section "Parallels and Characters."

(*) See the epigraph above.

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