The Vertumnus of Vanity

too ridiculous to the eye, and less uncertain to the ear, an Antiquarian of innate malice. Vanity, the firstborn of the Father of lies, but a most ambitious offspring, just as it exercises despotic power everywhere in the company of men: so it shows bright traces of instability, whether of honors, or of riches, or of form, or of power, nowhere not. In the Hall and the forum: in the Court and the Academy: in the Upper Room and the Wrestling School, it solicitously masks what is: so that it may arrogantly boast of what is not, with an exquisite artifice of simulation. To clients, among whom are Adolescents from the Syllabus, it pledges faith, which it treacherously violates; it swears the Truth, which it effrontally denies; it subscribes to a Contract, and rescinds the document. If I wanted witnesses; New Rome Rome would offer Eutropii; Old Rome would offer Belisarii: and most Royal Courts a thousand others, like Theaters of Vanity. They believe it to be munificent; it is tenacious: truthful; it is mendacious: sincere; it is fallacious.

Certainly, even from this chapter alone, it is to be defamed trivially with flutes and pipes; with Prose and Verse; lest it deceive the Unwary: to be exhibited alternately with Laughter and tears, with sarcasm and jeers.