Philosophical and Literary Miscellany

The Speech of Poverty

Poverty For what good could you possibly provide? Except for huge original: megalōn blisters from the bath-house, and a swarm of hungry children and old hags. And I won't even mention the number of lice, mosquitoes, and fleas to you original: ou de legō soi—which buzz around your head in such numbers they cause nothing but distress, waking you and saying, "You are hungry original: peināis, but get up anyway!" And besides these things, instead of a cloak, you have a rag; and instead of a bed original: klinēs, a pallet of rushes full of bedbugs, which keep the sleepers awake. And you have a rotten mat instead of a rug made of flax original: linō; and instead of a pillow, a good-sized stone at your head. You eat, instead of bread, shoots of mallow; and instead of cake, withered original: ischna turnip leaves. Instead of a bench, you have the head of a broken jar; and instead of a kneading-trough, the side of a cracked cask. Do I not show that you are the cause of many blessings original: agathōn for all mankind?

Chremylus You haven't described my life, you've just rattled off the life of beggars.

Poverty Well, don't we say that Poverty is the sister of Beggary?

Chremylus Yes, you people who also say Dionysius Dionysius I, the tyrant of Syracuse. is like original: einai Thrasybulus! Thrasybulus was the hero who restored democracy to Athens; Chremylus is accusing Poverty of equating a tyrant with a liberator. But my life hasn't suffered this, and by Zeus, it never shall! For the life of a beggar, which you describe, is to live having nothing at all. But the life of a poor man penēs: a working person who owns little but is not destitute is to live sparingly and attend to his work, having nothing left over, but certainly never running out either.

Chremylus By Demeter, what a blessed life you've described for him—if after all his sparing and toil, he leaves behind nothing even for his funeral!

Poverty You try to mock and play the comedian, neglecting to be serious, not knowing that I provide better men than Wealth does—better in both mind and body. For with him, they are gouty, pot-bellied, thick-legged, and obscenely fat. But with me, they are lean and wasp-waisted, and troublesome to their enemies.

Chremylus By your hunger, perhaps, you provide them with that "wasp-waist"!

Poverty I will now finish explaining to you both about temperance, and I will teach you that decency lives with me, while with Wealth comes insolence.

Chremylus Oh, certainly, it's very "decent" to steal and break through walls!

Poverty By Zeus, if he goes undetected, isn't the thief then decent?

Poverty Look at the orators in the cities: as long as they are poor, they are just toward the people and the city; but having grown rich from the public funds, they immediately become unjust, plotting against the masses and warring against the people.

Chremylus None of that is a lie, even though you are a very spiteful creature. But nonetheless, you will regret it; don't pride yourself on trying to persuade us that poverty is better than wealth.

Poverty And you haven't even been able to refute me yet on this matter original: toutou peri; you just talk nonsense and flap your wings.

Chremylus Then why does everyone flee from you then original: tote?

Poverty Because I make them better? You can see this best from children; they flee their fathers, who intend the best original: arista for them. It is that difficult a thing to discern what is right.

Chremylus You'll be saying next that Zeus doesn't correctly discern what is best; for surely he has the wealth.

Poverty That's exactly the "wing" you just mentioned to me!

Poverty But you two, whose minds are truly clouded with old-fashioned rheum original: "Kronikais lēmais"—literally 'mucus from the age of Cronus,' meaning senile or outdated ideas., Zeus is surely poor, and I will teach you this clearly. For if he were rich, why would he, when establishing the Olympic games—where he gathers all the Greeks together every four years—proclaim the winning athletes as crowned with a wreath of wild olive? Surely it should have been gold, if indeed he were rich!

Chremylus Doesn't that show he honors wealth? For being stingy and wanting to spend none of it, he crowns the winners with trifles and keeps the wealth for himself.

Poverty You're trying to pin something far more shameful on him than poverty!